The Cure for At Work Boredom

Just some things I've been thinking about today . . .

a) I was told recently that I don't act like a real Black woman. Now let's think about this . . . because I date, and sometimes prefer to date out of my race, sprinkle in Nine Inch Nails and Damien Rice with my Dwele and Jill Scott, and don't speak with ghetto flava I'm less of a Black woman? a lower class member of the Black race because I went to private school and don't have a baby daddy?Interesting. Sure.

b) Sallie Mae, please stop calling me. We are not friends anymore. Thanks for the $120,000 you helped me with so I could get my degree. Now supposedly I'm smarter than most. Not really. I'm smart enough to know that street smarts can definitely outweigh book smarts (I know, I ended up testifying in court against a "friend" who liked to commit armed robbery because I lacked skills from the hood. Funny story, I'll tell you later.) and that I certainly don't have an "extra" $1000 every 30 days to send you. Please be patient because when I have it you'll know and then, Sallie Mae, we can hang out again.

c)I hate waiting, for me patience is not a virtue. So how am I supposed to talk to the guy I like without seeming desperate because I don't want to wait because I like him so much and just want to talk to him real bad? See? I couldn't even wait to insert punctuation. Impatient son of a bitch, I am. Hello, asshole! Call me. I'm too cute not to call. Plus I have a huge rack and know how to use really big words in context, what's not to like?

d) I fell in love all over again this weekend with my dope-ass friends. I wish I could see them more than I do. Gas, cash, and time dictate otherwise. But, they're on my mind.

e) I have TWO weddings to attend this month and the younger cats in my family either a) live with their significant others or b) are preparing to propose. Now let's see - I went three months with no sex. I haven't had a boyfriend since an ill-fated LDR almost a year ago. At a crazy bachelorette this weekend the man who was infatuated with me (nay, mesmerized is more like it) was promptly arrested by San Francisco's finest. Face down. In the street. Problem here?

f) Sometimes I think I may like girls. But then again, I really just like boobs. A lot. It's weird though because I can only handle one set at a time. Mine or someone's else's. I lived in Australia for awhile and had a drunken girl-on-girl experience (I swear that little Aussie bitch seduced me and I didn't even see it coming. Why? Because I am lacking in street smarts. See section b) and her boobs were out and my boobs were out. I was confused, I didn't know what to do with them. I just stared. Then she wanted to cuddle. Ugh. Never again.

g) Remember how in high school getting out at 2:35pm seemed sooooooooo long? So far away from the first bell? Try working until 6pm when the sun is still out, you've got food coma, and it's between the 3 - 4pm. Now that is hell on earth. Luckily I've got a sexy ass boss, myspace, CDs, and the enough mischievous spontaneity to take my panties off at my desk. Once I had an orgasm too - fantasizing about my hot boss.

h) I recently had phone sex that had to be cut short by circumstances beyond our control. I used to think that if he couldn't get it up (thanks alcohol!) that that was the worst. But now I've found cellularus coitus interruptus that's "dammit I can't believe I'm getting cut the fuck off in the middle of phone sex" in Greek. Swear.

i) I'm an account executive and I still sit at a CUBE. This sucks. This sucks. This sucks. Not to be nit-picky but I want to be able to close my door when I take off my panties or have an orgasm - simply pretending to be invisible just won't cut it anymore. Plus, people can see that I am obviously not doing any work whatsoever right now. Obviously.

j) Because I work in entertainment people think my job is glamorous and I have tons of movie star friends and make oodles of cash. It's not. And stop asking me who I've met - it bugs me and they're not even as cool as you think they are. The best part of my job is wearing whatever I want to work, however inappropriate. Oh yeah - and watching movies and tv and reading gossip mags as "research."

k) I think I'm actually really clever.Oh my gosh, I'm all the way to K. I better stop. Only one more hour until the bell rings and I can go make out under the bleachers with my PE teacher. Just kidding, I didn't make out with anyone in high school. I was heinous.